1/25/03 WT: 199

Good Morning! I haven't written for about a month. Things got hectic with the holidays and then me going back to school on Jan 11th.

As you can see, I haven't lost anymore weight since I first started. Good thing I haven't gained anymore either.

This morning, when I was lying in bed just thinking like I do so many times, I thought to myself that I really just need to have some willpower and do whatever it take for me to stay on plan. Then I thought about when I slipped and what was it about those days that made me slip.

First it seems that my eating habits are habits. Ingrained habits that I need to break. I do very well with eating until the evening hours. I almost always eat the same breakfast whether I am trying to lose weight or not and my breakfast is healthy. I eat a bowl of cereal or oatmeal with Splenda and skim milk. I eat this same breakfast day after day and I don't even think about it. It has become my habit. A good habit.

Second, I realize I have to have all junk food out of the house for at least the first 30 days to be successful. This last time I went off plan, I had a long day. I ate before I left for school which was about 7:30am. Then I had classes from 8:00am until 3:00pm with only 15 minutes to get from each class and my campus is huge so it is a haul getting from one building to the next. On that day, I managed to get to the vending machine for a quick something and until most corporate vending machines, there was no fruit or yogurt or other healthy selections. Just mounds of chips and candy. So I had a Coke and a small bag of Reeces Pieces. Some lunch eh? Then when I got home, I got back to my eating plan with something healthy. Then hubby came home and made a heavy meal and a huge pan of brownies with icing on them. I was done. I binged on those stupid brownies for 2 days like a drug addict.

So just being back on the eating plan for only a few days and not bringing something to eat at school and then hubby making heavy food and junk food, I just didn't haven't enough willpower to say no.

I try to tell hubby that I am trying to lose weight and his habits are just so ingrained that he just doesn't get it. I said something about him making a pan of brownies when I am trying to follow my eating plan and he said well we can't deprive our son of goodies just because you are on a diet. I said well if you really wanted him to have treat, you could take him to the bakery and have him pick out something. He can eat it and be done with it.

I am the only one in the house who is fat so they don't understand I guess.

So that is what happened. I will try not to complain about my husband too much but I really don't like him anymore and there are good reasons for that but I won't go into it right now. One of these days I will divorce him.

Back to today. I sarted a dance class the first week of January and I simply love it! I used to be a professional dancer and I had forgotten how much I missed it. I love this class so much and it is the highlight of my week. It is fun, my teacher is great, the other women in the class are wonderful. I am good at it too! So another motivation for me to lose weight is so I can fit into a cool costume eventually when we start doing perfomances! Sure I can get a costume but I don't want to look like a whale in sequins! LOL!

Another reason I want to lose the weight as I graduate this May and I would love to be slimmer and wearing a smaller size for this very important event!

Now as for the eating plan. I am not using the 6WBMO. It is a good plan if you have the time to prepare the 6 meals a day. It is just too strict for me right now. So I have decided to do Weight Watchers again which does work and is much more flexible.

So that is what I am going to do. I am going to eat my weight watchers plan and break it down into small challenges to entice myself to stay on plan and then be aware that at anytime hubby could attempt to throw a wrench into it by either cooking fattening stuff or brining fattening stuff into the house so I am going to have to take a deep breath and think before reaching for the junk. Plus I am not going to let his bad moods and mood swings get to me. My weight loss has nothing to do with him and everything with me.